more on fathers

I don't want to give the impression that the death of my father's father wasn't a personal tragedy for him and his mother. I know I probably didn't give that impression, but in writing about it in the way I did, I focused on a different aspect of it, while in fact aware that the death of his father had a damaging impact on my father. (Which in turn had a damaging impact on his role as my father - but that's another very big story.)

I'm also not one to assert that all is hunky dory in every lesbian family or that children who don't have a known father won't have feelings about that - of course they would have to have! [See Sperm Wars, in which I have an article under yet another pseudonymn!] But this line of "children deserve a father and mother or else they shouldn't be born' borders on eugenics. So the 'perfect family' has to be in place before any child is conceived. A man - any man? A junkie? A man in prison? A man out of work? The use of the word "deserve" is manipulative and misleading. I think it says more about the conservative sense of entitlement than anything else - they think they're the only ones who deserve to be parents, after all, they're the ones leading the perfectly normal lives. They've imbued their own sexuality with a lot of soft focus goo and are offended by the reality that just about anyone can conceive, even without having sex.

And how babies are conceived has very little to do with the bread and butter of parenting. What children need has just about nothing to do with gender roles and everything to do with thoughtful attention and love (as well as safety, food, housing, health care and education, of course).

Comments

[elsewhere]

I don't think you gave that impression -- the thought never crossed my mind.

thanks for more thoughtful reading.

[ThirdCat]

What elsewhere said - the sadness/difficulty of it is a given.

[Zoe]

What they said.

I want to know What Is To Be Done about a woman who conceives in a hetrosexual relationship and then enters a same sex one? Do we call the welfare?

[susoz]

Zoe, are you trying to tell us something?

[Mikhela]

I have Sperm Wars - can you give me some clues? or do I have to read it again and guess?
If we are ever successful our kid will have two dads - the donor and his boyfriend - d'ya think Baillieu would find this reassuring?

[Mikhela]

Also - thinking about your Dad's childhood - I believe many cultures (all you PhD types can give the exact details) used to bring children up entirely in the women's camps, or girl children with the women and boy children with the men.