older

We live in a long street and I can't hope to know everyone in it, even by sight. Some neighbours I do know, who live a block away from us, had a small 'corner party' last week which they invited us to, even though we don't live anywhere near their corner.

I was introduced to a very chic-looking woman who I assessed as being in her mid, possibly even late, 50s. Almost immediately she told me that one of the children Olle was playing with was her 11 year old son. I hope the surprise I felt didn't appear on my face.

Of course, she could have had him when she was 45, even 46. I know a number of women who've had babies at that age - mostly their second, but in two cases it was their first - and only - child. They make my age as a first time mother, at 42 and a half, seem positively young, even though I was well within the 'elderly primigravida' category.

I often see 'older' women pushing strollers or walking hand in hand with young children and wonder if they're the mother or the grandmother. Unfortunately Australian women tend to have such sun-ravaged skin that women I assume are 'older' can turn out to be much younger than me (though the woman at the party had very good skin (unless she was really only 48 and had very bad skin!)) (I suspect not.)

What is 'older' and when does someone go from being 'older' to 'old'? Or from being 'young' to indubitably 'no longer young' ( ie 'older'). I have friends in their mid to late 60s who are very definitely 'older'. I don't think people are 'old' these days until they're at least 75, if not 78.

In some contexts I happily think of myself as 'older' now. In others, I think of myself as being in the middle. Somehow, I can't come at the term 'middle aged'. I don't know how much of that is because of being an older mother, which makes my daily life quite different from most other 50 year old women. A great deal of my time is spent with young children and with other parents who are mostly in their 30s. When I go through menopause, I won't be experiencing the 'empty nest' syndrome at the same cliched time. Like one of those glossy magazine articles about older mothers, I feel as if I have the best of both worlds.

Fifty was a big turning point, metaphorically speaking. I'm 50 and a half now and I've mentally settled into my new age group. I accept that I'm not young any more. I feel positive about people of my age and older. I identify with them. I find their point of view more interesting than the perspective of the average 30 year old - even of the average 35 year old. I feel mostly satisfied with everything I've learnt about myself and life in over three decades of adult experience. I wouldn't go back - mentally. Physically, I'd be happy to go back to about 40 and stay there for a few years. Menopause will probably be the next big physical turning point for me, but it was around age 45 that I first had the sense of things slowing down. It amuses me that people in their late 30s see 40 as such a big deal when from my current vantage point that was when I felt most healthy, most fit. A lot of that was because I ran.

I ran regularly up to the point I got pregnant with Olle. Since then, I've failed to establish that routine again despite a few halfhearted attempts. I'm currently making one of my by now ritual attempts to take up running again.

This time will be different, I hope. For one thing, I've been swimming regularly for the past six months, which has greatly improved my aerobic fitness. When I set out for my first few short runs when I was on holiday, I was able to run for 15 minutes breathing entirely through my nose and felt fine. My legs were a different story - they turned to jelly after a relatively short time. That's the difference a decade makes.

I got a beginner's guide to running from the library (I also own a few running books of my own, which I like to read from time to time for inspiration). It included one of those walk-run programs which I'd previously eschewed. But with the evidence of my increased age hard to ignore, I decided I'd try this program. It's very gradual - in the first week you only run for 30 seconds at a time, in eight five-minute walk-run cycles. I'm finding that easy. But what I do notice is how much more tired I get from exercising these days. In my 30s, I routinely rode my bike for 90 minutes a day and swam a kilometre three times a week, as well as dancing every weekend. I don't remember being tired. (And I don't think that's just a case of 50-year-old lack of memory.)

This past week, I did the first 40 minute walk-run on Saturday, swam on Sunday, did a 90-minute yoga class on Monday, rode my bike for 90 minutes on Tuesday, did the second 40 minute walk-run today. And I've been phsyically tired every day. True, I'm having to push quite a few more kilograms around than in my 30s, which must be partly to blame. I suspect, however, that just being older is a big cause. At the same time, 'just being older' is all the more reason to exercise, as Joan Bakewell, who's in her 70s, wrote in the Guardian yesterday. (Even five years ago I probably wouldn't have been as interested in that article as I now am.)

Another thing to contend with is the immobility which comes with computer use. Returning from holidays, I noted with alarm my body's reaction to using the computer again - lower backache, stiff legs, a spaced out brain and drained exhaustion after a day at work staring at a screen. As I've been using a computer only in the decade of my 40s, it's hard to tell what role it plays in my decreased flexibility and fitness. Probably quite a large one, if I think about it.

Anyway, I'll let you know how the running program goes (having written about it here, I have no excuses for dropping it!)

Comments

[Jacinta]

I am so inspired about your attitude to aging. I love getting older as the alternative is a bit grim!
My mother in law (83) says she is still 20 years old in the way she sees herself. She sees old age as a bit daunting.."not for the fainthearted" but an interesting journey as one's focus changes. I suppose it does throughout life. As for the running... good luck. I broke my ankle in November when a big scary dog attacked me one morning...so I'm getting back to it too. Its my ankle that is my 'achilles heel' so to speak.

[elsewhere]

A lot of food for thought there...I'm happy to follow you on the 'middle age' thing -- it's become a bit of a dirty word.

I find it really hard to guess a lot of people's ages past 35 -- there seems to be a huge amount of variation.

I was talking to a 56 yo on the weekend who mentioned what you did -- that he felt a lot more tired than he did after exercising these days (but this is someone who gets up to cycle at 5.30 am six days a week). He feels the need for a nap everyday at 1 pm.

But in your case, it might that you're returning to exercise and that you're not used to it. Your body might adjust as it gets fitter.

[Sandra]

I really enjoy your posts about aging. I wish I could feel as well adjusted as you seem to be. The strange thing is that when I was younger (in my 20s, before I had kids) I was a professional, usually working with people much older than me, and I felt my youth put me at a disadvantage. I spent my 30s on pregnancy and intensive child-rearing, not even thinking about age. All of a sudden I was 40, suddenly feeling old and thinking my youth slipped through my fingers without my ever really appreciating it. Sigh. I want a do-over. If I could do it again I wouldn't waste my 20s on all that career crap.

[GoTA]

Thanks so much for your thoughts about aging and for Joan Bakewell's article. Very inspiring. I'm about to turn 40 and have suddenly slowed down, fitness-wise, in alarming ways. I'm thinking about (another) baby, way too late. I shall get that running book pronto.

[Kate]

Hi,

Thanks for the great post. I've just turned froty and not been finding it too hard.

I had some very long standing friends and their kids over on the weekend. In talking about my recent birthdya one of the girls (in her mid teens) said that I was over the hill. She then went on to say that as going downbhill was easier than gooing uphill this was a good thing.

I thought it was a great way to reclaim a hackeyed and increasingly meaningless expression.

Kate

[Anne]

I liked your comments also--I never view blogs, but the first one I found when looking was someone doing what I do--a 54 year old with a 14-year old only child... and I've decided to get back into shape by running. Grete Waitz' book is very inspiring. She's so commonsensical about her approach to running. She points out we are not competitive 25 year olds nor do we do this for a living, so we need to take a balanced approach.

[Juno888]

I thought it was a great way to reclaim a hackeyed and increasingly meaningless expression.