agitated

I had a day and a night of mental agitation. There's not much time (that's part of the cause of the agitation) to write about it all, so some bullet points:

• Harry vomited at 3am. This morning he was subdued. Perhaps all this diarrhoea and vomiting is finally sapping his energy. Perhaps this is the beginning of the end. I'm upset and scared about that. I hardly slept after 3am.
• The document still hasn't arrived. I'm making a very big change in my life this year, going back to university almost fulltime. I'm having cold feet for a number of reasons. I can't write about it in detail here yet. But yesterday I had to register for my lectures and tutorials online and ended up with a nightmarish timetable. At this stage it looks like Olle will have to be in some kind of care every afternoon after school. I lay awake for hours worrying about that and grieving for all our little routines, like fish and chips on the way home from ballet. I'll be in a tutorial many miles away until 7.30pm on Wednesdays. I don't like the thought of that at all. I'm re-considering my options.
• Our school announced last week that they have introduced a 'Gifted and Talented' program (aka GAT). I felt critical when I read about that in the newsletter - essentially I see such programs as divisive - it's streaming by another name. They said they'd tell us more in this week's newsletter - but didn't. Instead, the GAT-designated teacher arrived at morning lines with checklists in his hands and a group of kids was asked to follow him away. About 10 kids from Olle's grade were in that group, including his two best friends. But not Olle. Of course I would feel different if he was in the group, I'm as human as the next mother, though I don't think that would cancel out my underlying criticism of this policy, which I see as essentially a way for public schools to try and stop the leakage of pupils to private schools. Come on - there are not 10 GAT kids in O's grade. There's one child who I'd concede has a prodigious and unusual intelligence. The others who were selected (to fill a quota?) are, from my point of view, smart kids from middle class, highly resourced, professional homes, of which our school has a large supply. Olle's best friend is no more GAT than Olle is - or, put another way, each is as talented and smart as the other but in different ways - and that's what makes me upset [there's a lot more I could say about this (my inner diatribe knows no bounds) but I'm trying to calm down about it] - how is a child like Olle supposed to react when he's been found lacking in some way. He's a shrinking violet, which is probably why he isn't considered to be GAT. Kids can be very boastful at this age. Which brings me to...
• Chess. After the downer of the chess workshop during the holidays, Olle wasn't keen to pursue it. But last week the mother of a girl in his class came up to me and asked if we were going to join the Chess Club - her daughter, who knew nothing about chess, was interested. At this prospect, Olle became enthusiastic. We set up a game at home and have been playing every night. These are the very first chess games I've ever played in my life. He beat me every time. That was good for his morale and this morning he was very keen to head off for school at 8am. Alas, he played against a different girl from his class, who was also pretty clueless but managed to checkmate him twice, accidentally. But accidentally or not, that gave her boasting rights - "I won!" That wouldn't have been so bad but a boy from his grade (he of the prodigious intelligence) who played chess last year and is very good at it came and hovered over the board and kept giving know-it-all advice and assessing who was winning (not Olle). I could have throttled him. I could see Olle's self esteem shrinking before my eyes. As we left and that boy continued to rattle on about how he was going to come first in the chess competition this year, I called Olle back to me and committed the cardinal sin of parenthood - I explicitly criticised the other child (ie not the other child's behaviour). I told Olle that I think that boy "has a big head". Which he does. But I shouldn't have said it. Now I'm wondering if I'm making a big mistake in encouraging chess. Maybe big-picture strategising is not the way of Olle's mind. Maybe I'm just being an ambitous parent and setting my son up for failure. But I suppose I shouldn't jump to any conclusions yet.
• Meanwhile I have 100 pages to read before our book group tonight.
• Not to mention that my father's apartment is going up for sale this weekend and every day I have to talk to agents and solicitors (it's a complicated sale the details of which I won't bore you with.)
• I'm frazzled.

Comments

[Laura]

No wonder you're frazzled. Ack!

Without having any idea of the specifics of your course, it might be worth while making a personal petition to have your timetable rendered a bit saner & more family friendly, if there are other tutorial time options that would make your life easier then it ought to be possible to shift you. If the online enrolment system automatically allocates tutes then definitely give it a try - ring up the subject co-ordinator - it can't hurt. In Arts subjects at least there is a high attrition rate in first-year subjects and oversubscribed tutorials in early weeks are not so crowded later in the semester. If worst comes to worst remember there aren't that many weeks in a semester.

[Kay]

Wow, no wonder you're frazled! I'm so sorry about Harry, I can imagine (sort of) how hard that must be. And the GAT class! Ick. I hate that sort of thing, and it sux for Olle to be separated (and in such a judgemental way) from his friends.

As for the uni stuff, I sympathise. I've been wondering how I'm going to juggle it all next year with a baby, and if I should leave something to the year after - but by then Liam will be in school almost full time, which means I can't take myself out of circulation at weekends... it's just really hard isn't it?

[suzo]

I just wanted to add that I know there are readers here whose children have been assessed as gifted and I hope it doesn't sound like I disapprove of that in some way. I don't. What I'm critical of is the type of program they're introducing in our school. I don't think it's needed. I think the school was already doing a good job of catering to the various iintellectual needs and aptitudes of its pupils.

[Helen]

I kind of agree with the G & T thing. Why can't they provide excellent opportunities for all children? At my childrens school they have programs with names like Discovery and Gateways which provide extra stimulation without stigmatising so much.

[helen]

*idea*...

GAT program...

Free gin and tonics for all mums and dads after school!!
Yeah, now you're talking!

(I'm obviously not one of the better parents you have described above ;-) )

[Jennifer]

Sounds like you're having too many things on top of each other! No wonder you're frazzled. One of my friends has recently had to drop her full-time uni plans this year because she couldn't get the after-school care she needed. And two of the compulsory tutorials didn't finish till 7. I didn't really realise in my carefree university days how inflexible the place could be (oh for the days when my only worry was having to wake up for 9 am lectures!).

[Liz]

As your other commenters have said, no wonder you're frazzled!! Any one of these things could keep a person awake. I hope you sleep better tonight. I also hope Harry is doing better.

Your description of your uni situation brings back memories for me. I have often reflected on how crucial the timetabling of Sydney Uni's Social Work degree was for my ability to finish the course. The fact that they considerately crammed all lectures into convenient 'business hours' at the start of the week was absolutely KEY to my ability to finish the degree once Evan was born (as I could arrange day care - without needing too much of it - to cover lecture times...of course, this left all my work to be done in the middle of the night!). If they had spread lectures throughout the week, or scheduled them at inconvenient times, I simply don't know whether I would have managed to finish the degree. I am insanely grateful to the anonymous members of the Social Work Department who arranged our timetable - I am REALLY glad that I re-trained, and it could be argued that I owe it all (or at least, a lot of it) to them! It's bizarre how seemingly trivial the factors are that can shape the course of your life - especially once you're a parent and your flexibility is so constrained. Good luck with sorting all this out - there are no easy answers.

I SOOOO felt for Olle (and you!!) reading about that chess situation. I would have wanted to throttle that young know-it-all...and could easily have found myself saying something like you did (and then feeling guilty about it afterwards!). I hope that Olle bounces back from these experiences with his self-esteem and enthusiasm in chess still intact.

As for the GAT issue - now that's a topic in relation to which am still trying to sort my own thoughts out. Again, no easy answers. I must agree that it seems rather farcical for 10 kids to be 'identified' in Olle's grade!!

[Lori]

I can certainly understand your state of mind. There's quite a lot of stuff going on for you. I think you're very brave to take on almost full time study. I hope it goes well for you. I am struggling to keep going myself at the moment. I will likely drop down to one unit this semester. I just don't think I'm mentally able to juggle two right now. Although you will lose some of those special routines, you may find you create others. Also the ones you still have will be all that more important for you. I wish you well.

I am very surprised at the number of students being taken away for GAT. In N's grade of about 60 children, I only know of two who were in the program here (which is off-site). Up to year four, it's a very limited intake. I really think at this age this should be handled within the classroom for all but the most gifted children (who possibly have other arrangements anyway). There's already a fair amount of streaming within N's classroom. Well, not sure about this year but reading and maths were definitely streamed last year. However children moved in and out of groups depending on the speed of learning so it wasn't terribly obvious there were difference, aside from perhaps the extreme ends of the scales.

If Olle really enjoys playing, I think it's reasonable to encourage him to continue. It's probably a good learning experience to deal with losing and with the attitudes of other competitors. As parents I think we want to shield our children but we probably don't do any favours when we do it often. I feel that perhaps we did this too much with D and with his already perfectionist nature, it's made losing difficult and stopped him from persisting until he becomes better at whatever he is doing. These days I am trying to get him to stick with his interests. I can understand your response to that other child. I am sure I've done this a few times without thinking.

Finally, my sympathies on dealing with Harry's fate. It's not going to be easy no matter how much time he has. (((hugs)))

[Jody]

I'm so sorry about Harry. My heart goes out to you.

You have enormous sympathy from me re: the uni schedule. If something could change, I think that would be lovely. But it's exhausting enough to undertake the registering, without also having to battle the schedule demons. No wonder you're frazzled.

I have given myself permission to be as snarky as I want to be about G&T programs. As you say, when the kids are already having their needs met in a classroom environment, what's the point? Apparently 35% of kids (yes, I typed that correctly) in our university-town school district are identified as G&T. Snort. The only good thing to come of this absurdity was that the school district finally (to much wailing and gnashing of parental teeth, I've heard) did away with pull-out programs altogether. Good riddance.

It sounds like that other little boy at chess was being a pill. I'm not sure I would have refrained from commenting, myself. It's not easy to know how to encourage a child in the face of withering peer pressure. Gemma in particular is going to have to find new reserves of self-confidence when those days come from her.

Well, what an end to the week for you. I hope the weekend is better. Or at least that you get some time to breathe.

[jellyfish]

That is appalling re. the GAT. I really dislike those programs. Very divisive, not to mention an outdated way of looking at learning, given what we know these days about the different ways/rates in/at which children learn. And what a clumsy way to execute it - in front of them all. I think I'd have a problem sending my (eventual!) kids to a school where such a program existed (and possible teaching in one, too), so its unfortunate that they've just introduced it ie. too bad if you're not so hot for the idea.

Good luck sorting it out.

PS - first visit in ages, so stand by for usual nutty commenting spree.

PPS - You son is ADORABLE.